Funny Wedding Vows That Nail the Perfect Mix of Laughter and Love

"I promise to love you as much as I love our dog, maybe even more on heavy shedding days. I'll be your partner in crime and your co-pilot on all your unplanned errands, knowing we might get lost but never alone."

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"I vow to always protect you from spiders, as long as they're the small kind. And I promise to let you have the last bite of dessert, but only if I don't want it more."

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"I promise to keep updating our Netflix queue so you always have something to fall asleep to, and I swear to never say 'I told you so,' even though I'm usually right."

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"I pledge to love you unconditionally, even during football season and when your favorite show has a marathon. And I vow to never steal your covers, unless it’s really cold."

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"I vow to be your navigator, consoler, sidekick, and sometimes your director, even if it means shouting 'turn here!' when it's way too late."

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"I promise to laugh with you until my sides hurt and to hold your hand through all life's adventures, whether we planned them or not."

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"I vow never to keep score, even when I'm winning by a mile. And I promise to love you through all our weird and sometimes highly questionable dietary choices."

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"I pledge to take care of you, and even when you're old and you've forgotten how competitive we are, I will still let you win bedtime negotiations."

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"I vow to support your dreams and respect your strange habit of naming inanimate objects, because apparently, Larry the Laundry Basket needs love too."

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"I promise to love you during the best days and the blah days, when we're exploring far-off lands or watching reruns at home. I swear that even when my team is losing, you’re still my MVP."

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"I promise to always let you have the last word, since you'll take it anyway. I promise to laugh at your jokes, including the ones you've told me forty times, and to act surprised by the ending of the goose story every single time."

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"I vow never to say 'I told you so' unless I'm right, in which case I'll say it lovingly, once, and then bring snacks."

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"I promise to share the covers, though not equally, and to wake you gently on the nights you snore, which is every night. I promise to love you through every wrong turn, even when the GPS is more reliable than I am."

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"I vow to love you in sickness and in health, including the kind of sickness where you insist it's 'just a cold' and lie on the couch like a Victorian poet."

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"I promise to always ask where you want to eat, and to never say 'I don't care,' because I do, and you know it, and so do the waiters."

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"Today I marry my best friend, my favorite human, and the only person who knows where I hid the good chocolate. I vow never to tell. I vow to share it, eventually."

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"I promise to be on your side, except in board games, where I will show no mercy, and in the matter of the thermostat, which is a matter of principle."

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"You said yes before you tasted my cooking, which makes this unconditional love. I promise to keep trying, to keep the smoke alarm batteries fresh, and to do the dishes whenever I burn something."

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